This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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