just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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