Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
