my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
