You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
