So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
