come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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