Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
