well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
