just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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