I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
