i wish starbucks made bloody marys
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
