living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize