...so i touched it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
