Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize