i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
