just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize