I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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