you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
