I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
