im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
