Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am naked and annoyed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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