Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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