When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
