No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize