What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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