I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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