More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
