I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
