ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
