You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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