Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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