Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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