some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
