I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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