i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
