I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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