her facebook's as public as her vagina
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
