I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
