I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
