Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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