I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
worst night to have a conscience
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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