That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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