just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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