Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
