My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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