so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
