My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
