You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
