am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
