ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
