Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
