i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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