Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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