with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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