The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
