I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
