Whoa Z and x make the same sound
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
ok first of all what the fuck
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
