that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
