I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
