Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
