Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
