He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
