How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
