Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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