we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
and she was petting her beer can
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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