im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
