I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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