I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
two words: eviction party
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
