My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
