I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The feeling are messing with the penis
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
