both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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