Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize