Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
