no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
well most of my day revolves around power hour
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
