Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My nipple is on Facebook.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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