Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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