dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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