I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
