Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need to wash the frat house off of me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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