my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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