Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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