They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
