I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
