So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize