just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
