So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
