we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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