he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
