I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
