idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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