Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
