A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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