yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
