the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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