It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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