guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
