They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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