You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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