the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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