Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
