hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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