dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
