yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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