you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
