dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
